Leaving Seattle

I see the concrete with arrows and crows
picking my path with structured troubles.
With nothing to see at the end of the path
I walk forward, side to side, randomly on track.
I hear traffic speeding by the forest and the trees
each car taking away, a small stable part of me.
I drive now, speeding faster and faster.
Knowing I'm one city closer to my disaster.
The rain plunders, begging me to stay.
But I drive through.
To Californ-i-a.

A Girl (2003)

A girl in disguise
a face of lies
a smile so fake
it irritates flies
a girl unknown
a walk so keen
a touch so soft
a direction to lean
a girl of faith
a rosary used
a shine that fades
a devil accused
a girl so pretty
an innocence untouched
an eye so blue
and such and such
a beauty so pure
a thought so clean
an idea so new
this repeatith teen
put on a shelf
for others to see
and hopefully find
what she had
tried to be.

Above Below (2003)

Air above
red below
swift is the only
way to go
through both worlds
of love and hate
one slow slide
to change this fate
seal the deal
close this heart
wait for my hell
to get a kick start
ripples in cloth
stillness in wind
dry rain pours down
as I commit this unholy sin
this contradicting breath
to live life through god
to live life in sin
im modeled to live,
this life again.
stepped to the side
pushed out of sight
trampled on
with all gods might
I was a mistake
for accidents are excuses
to accept the unwanted
in hopes to forget
what once was a slit
a crack in life
and undug hole
to bury the sins of those who pay the toll
for those who owe
their souls below
and leave the innocent
to arise
above
below.

Move On? (2003)

This is my life
the loved with out the knife
the truth in my lie
the lie I live to die.
these hours I work
to keep my mind off you
these pills I consume
that sleep away your fume
the 4% I slide
through the same throat I choke
the love in with I lost
the love I wish to soak
with the love I have to give
whats the reason to live
for the love is dieing
its way past dead
my heart is lieing
it were never fed
lead and staples
my diet of choice
chairs and tables
one empty. no toys
my heart cant keep up.
my breath. half cup.
these sounds. fade
fuck it. tonight im getting laid
cause I don't give a shit
im gonna survive and thats it
im gonna move on.
im not gonna quit.
my lifes so full
of pleasures and pains
who can pass up
these future blood stains
these wrists cant wait
eagerly they state
they cant wait.
to make me late.
but too bad for them
I've changed and moved on.
poison of the night?
passed out on the lawn
this is funny
why the fuck do I move on?

Someday (2003)

The blood once spilled,
and killed me once.
I awoke once more,
and bled once more.
now I still bleed, but the red is in words,
these poems I write,
are my wishes I suppose,
the dreams I label missing,
the actions I never chose.
im mostly just a shadow,
that fallows my body in full.
thats why I like my home,
theres no shodow to go with a soul.
I love the dark,
in it you can not see,
neither me, or the lock, with no key.
so these poems that you read,
all me,
but someday they’ll be actions,
if im brave enough to see,
what its like to slit
the life out of me,
or what its like to see,
the dark around me.
someday, youll see,
you did this to me,
but it's my fault,
and I'll never let you see.
that you did this,
you did this to me,
for that would make you know,
what I never wanted you to see.
someday, I'll be.
the sum of all poems.
someday ill be the purpose for your poem,
someday ill be, the innocent.
story behind the fall.
of the frogetable.
darkest of them all,
me, AKA
the "Fall"

I'm Nothing and Proud of it (2003)

Dont say stop,
dont say go,
dont say youll be there,
when I ask you say no,
when I fall to the ground, watch me lay,
dont approach me,
just go about your way,
im here for you,
and always youll see,
im nothing that you see,
in the images I should be,
you think im something more,
I think I don't deserve to be this poor,
I think I need to give up,
the rest of what I have,
just to make you smile,
just once more,
take me serious,
I don't want you to be furious,
I don't want to be special,
I just rather feel I'll,
I'll be ok,
just smile away,
and know that I tried,
in every way,
not to lie,
I'm stuck on the bottom,
and happy where I am,
I dont want nothing,
but for someone to step on me again.
Please dont throw a fit,
Im Stuck here on the bottom,
with nothing,
and proud of it.

No Thanks To You (2002)

Every day I awake just the same
to the screaming and yelling of my damn name
when will you give up?
will you ever leave me be
cause I'm tired of waking up in complete misery

ya your the reason I cut my wrist
ya your the reason I chose hit over miss
light enough to live and stay sane
but deep enough for you to feel my pain

Now dont you see I cannot live
with all the pain you seem to give
I'm ready to leave
I'm ready to die
I'm ready to come up and say goodbye

ya your the reason I cut my wrist
ya your the reason I chose hit over miss
now no thanks to you I will live and go on
cause I've found theres more in life then the life I've put in this song.

I'm Sorry (2002)

I know you want to leave me,
Because of me you never feel free.
And for that I regret,
And please dont ever forget,
That I love you and i need you,
and your all I need to get through,
this life i cant live without you.
So im switching lanes,
And i swear ill change,
To make your life the best there is,
And make you feel that it cant get any better than This.
It’s not your fault,
I’m the one who got caught.
For making your life a pain.
And i hope youll let me try again.
Your the main part in my life,
And i hope youll be my wife.
But till that day comes,
And I pray that it will,
Ill tell you that i love you more and more,
And hope it brings us closer,
Way closer then before.

*ou***e(y) (2003)

This is a poem
of words unknown
as you you read them
my feelings will be sown
these feelings of hope
and feelings of smiles
grown from words
through miles and miles
I've never met you
and you, not me.
but somehow I know you
and I hope that you will see
the spark that lights
my dark lonely room
the spark that guides me
to happiness I assume
assume or hope
whichever it may be
I know one thing
that spark is my key
to happiness and light
all around me
and in the darkest hours
these minutes I now see
passing by
each day and night
till the day
your finally in sight
I hope you dont see
and turn away
cause this poem is nothing
but a way for me to say
thank you for teaching me
theres reality out there.
not people that seem
not not even care.
hopefully some day
I can make you see
all the beauty around
and all that you innocently taught me.

...end. (2004)

Following the actions
leaving spirits behind
I dont know whats left
of what there is to find.
so take this life I give
and watch it break and bend
and now its time to take this mind
and put it to an end.

Night (2003)

No sun to set.
No star to wish.
No me left,
for you to kiss.

Please Babe! My Love! My Hate! (2003)

Oh god how I missed you my dear!
Its been soo long! atleast a few years!
of coarse I remember!
hate your name!
stay all day!
hold my hand!
friends we’ll be!
from water till sand!
kiss me hard
I missed you so
flip my card
life, my foe
death my friend
your lover? yes?
death and hate
what a great way to become late!
take me with you!
I couldn't wish for a better fate!
my love left me cold
never told me and now love is old
she kissed me sweet
I'll remember her face
like a soft gently sheet
that would cover me in the winter
in the cold, and summers heat
wherever we were.
there was nothing we couldn't defeat.
but now I have a mistress
you it seems
I love you more than her
and I have take away her key
I wish to never remember, how she opened my door
ripped me apart
and left me on the floor

please babe! my love! my hate!
feed me staples!
and seal this fate.

Backwards Biology

My rain falls because of the garden.
If it weren't for it I'd be dry.
Taking samples of sunlight fallen.
And saving them for another try.

The Path

Baby's first breath

Infants first steps
Toddlers first words
First day of school
The world still turns.

Graduation day
Kiss your love in May
Slip the ring
Let them sing.

Watch the car drive away

Put them in the ground
Cry and choose to stay
Fall asleep and say
Everything in life will turn out Okay

Let the angels show you the way.

An Excerpt (2003)

Let me forget you
and you for me
never again shall I
fall in love with thee
I cry each night
for the love that I fight
is useless to me
for your eyes are on he
he who hath calls
by night and again
death his name
his sand burns Zen
8 circles down
2 subs to go
the wood of suicides
where blood flows below
this liquid within nails
hammered into backs
your love sadly is
what I lacks
I need your love as
I need the air
in your bed, beside
in your head, reside
in me forever
I drift away
for my love is nothing
but a feather
from your wings
you hide, these truths, hold
no lies,

,-I need you as feathers need the skies

Still Words (2003)

My words wont bleed
for they used to know how
to cry out chaos
and thoughts so fowl
so evil so tempting
I made death
live in everything
I made life
live in nothing
so my sins
did all my trusting
on staples and nails
dripping death sales
razors and Kleenex
bring me this phoenix
this death of fire
that comes from within
burns me in stashes
till I rise from these ashes
in light I can't see
in dark I can be
in warmth I will burn
when it's cold again, then only, will it be my turn.

Kiss (2004)

I see your smile
within your frown.
I hear your silence
within your frown.
I feel your touch
with both hands down.
Even the times
your not around.
I feel your eyes
meet my own.
I feel your fears
of being alone.
I feel this feeling
I've never felt.
Honestly I wish
I could make you melt.
Love doesn't describe
this feeling I feel.
Nor any other word
I wish to kiss and seal.
My love is yours
Do what you wish.
So I seal this poem
with one final Kiss.

The Fee (2003)

When mistakes aren't conceited,
and my love is finally treated,
with therapeutic lies,
that say everything will be alright.
This is when you'll come along,
teach me what I did wrong.
Teach me what I need to do,
To make my love last long & true.
This is what it's going to be
from past to future, present the fee.

A Dying Breed (2009)

A dying breed is what we are.
Pride ourselves with just how far.
We go to show how we can be.
Give it up for you and settle for lonely.
But it's bearable knowing your my one and only

If Home Melted Slow (2009 With Help From T.J. Davis)

Because if home is where the heart is
my heart left with you.
Leaving me behind with nothing left
nothing true.
And in my dreams I see these things
images of you.
Though feelings grow in time I'll show
Those thoughts of love will die
I know.
So I wait like cold inside the snow
for heat to flow and melt me slow.

And On The Clock Your Heart Will Tick (2009)

And on the clock your heart will tick

and Tock till the end of time
like a criminal that was pardoned for his unpublishable crime
like a season that fell short of me feeling fine
like a summer that wasted too much sweet lime
love and waste
nothing to taste
nothing to see
but useless and free
from the spill of ink
that doesnt dry or think
of tomorrow and the next
smile from a text
from you and your fingers
and all I envy are singers
that can sing their heart
from beginning to start
while i can't hit a note
and I reach for my coat
cause it's cold outside
and in you I confide
these thoughts of rust
that began with lust.


But What Of Trust?

Empty

Brains race, and
shadows trace
lines across
the empty case
of who I am
and what I'll be
marking signs
so you may see
things I say,
and things I may
keep hidden
just so smiles will stay
built on top of each other
as they stack looser and looser
and lose their shape, their sense of structure
until they fall and leave without thunder
without a warning
without a sound
without a smile
without a frown
empty